StrongStart™ Fundamentals: Connection

StrongStart™ Fundamentals: Connection

Connection is Care

Connection is NOT about your attachment to your child. It isn’t asking them questions or manufacturing interactions. The attachment that matters is them to you – are you there for them, so they can attach when they need to?

For your child, connection is when they think "he gets it, we are in the same world, we are together."

To connect with your child then, means entering their world. What does that mean? Let’s take a tour.

A tour of their world:

1. LOWER: Get Down to Their Level

They live on the ground – eye level,  3 to 8 inches off the floor, 18” when they are standing. To them, you're a giant looking down from impossible heights.

To meet them there: Get down. Lie on the floor. Put your ear to the tile. Meet them eye to eye. When you physically come to their level, you start seeing what they see.

2. SLOWER: Everything Is New

They live in a world of s l o w e r thinking. It’s as if it's all new to them - because it is all new to them. They're a visitor on their first trip to a strange land.

To meet them there: Go Slow.  Slower than them, even – let them set the pace.  

• Speak slowly, move slowly, listen slowly. 

• Give them (the gift of) Time and Space to assemble their thoughts.  

• Try touching each fingertip twice with your thumb between statements to allow time to process

• Wait.  People who respect someone wait for them— you’ll be amazed at what they come up with.
  

3. IN THE MOMENT: They live in the present

Your child lives only in the moment, and only in the moment— all of the time. They don’t think in terms of past or future— it's all happening right now, right in front of them.

To meet them there: If you want mindfulness training, look no further than engaging with your child:

• Use your language to focus your awareness on the present.

• Avoid jumping ahead or recalling the past. 

• No planning or judgement; no analysis or facts or teaching.  Just what is going on at exactly that moment.

• Imagine being a play-by-play announcer, narrating things as they happen: "I see you looking at that dog." “You are holding the ball.” I'm ending this sentence now.

Connection is being present in their world

This is care: meeting them where they are down at floor level, moving at their speed, seeing with their eyes, living in the present moment. Learn to do this with your child, and every relationship in your life gets better.

Another instance where what you learn from your child can help you become the best version of yourself.

Learn more about boundaries at StrongStart Practice.